Witches 5 Says!
by Myrna-chan
Summary: The Witches 5 take on Sailormoon S "Sailor Moon Says" style.


Witches 5 Says!  
By Myrna-chan  
  
This is a parody of Dic's "Sailor Moon Says" which follows every episode. This time it's the  
Super series, and I've got the Witches 5 doing the lessons at the end. This is gonna run on  
for a while since I'm doing ALL the S eps, even the ones where they're all dead. Whee. Enjoy!  
  
***  
Episode 90: A Premonition of World Destruction? The Mysterious New Soldiers Appear  
  
Mimete: WOW! The first episode of the season and we decide to go after a Sailorsenshi!  
Tellu: *mumbles* I wouldn't consider Mars to be pure-hearted.  
Eudial: Did you notice that the Daimon's star was on its chest?  
Viluy: Yeah! I would never stoop so low as to have an ecchi Daimon. Damn Kaolinite.  
Cyprine: Uh..what's the lesson here?  
Pucherol: The lesson is that you should NEVER have an ecchi Daimon! Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 91: The Birth of a Rod of Love! Usagi's New Transformation  
  
Cyprine: The title of that episode should be "The Birth of More Stock Footage! Other Sailorsenshi  
Are Underexposed."  
Pucherol: Here, here! *applause*  
Eudial: You're the only one who thinks that's funny.  
Pucherol: BIIIIDA! :P  
Viluy: Well..um..today's lesson was that you shouldn't go after pure-hearted people with cats  
that can bite. Itai!  
Tellu: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 92: A Pretty Boy? Tenoh Haruka's Secret  
  
Mimete: Wow, Haruka-san no kakkoi! *_*  
Eudial: Ano, Mimete..Haruka's a girl.  
Tellu: Did you notice that Haruka looks a hell of a lot like that new Sailorsenshi?  
Eudial: Not until my third-to last episode. -.-;;  
Viluy: Hey, how come we're talking if Kaolinite's running the show right now?  
Cyprine & Pucherol: Because she sucks! Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 93: Usagi Yearns! The Elegant Genius Michiru  
  
Eudial: I think this is the first time the pure hearted person didn't get at least 2 minutes of  
time to prove how pure he/she is.  
Mimete: Yeah! Kaolinite's SO screwed up.  
Viluy: You should talk. Your targets weren't even pure.  
Mimete: *sobs* HIDOI!  
Tellu: *clears throat* Today we learned that Michiru is an unrealistic character and you should  
hate her just like you should hate the other Sailorsenshi.  
Cyprine & Pucherol: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 94: Protect the Pure Heart! The Enemy/Ally Three-Way Battle  
  
Tellu: Why do I think this is going to be another one of those big fights that don't do anything?  
Mimete: The title's misleading. Nothing happened.  
Eudial: Darn! Anyway, today's lesson is that if you want to get kissed, you've got a pure heart,  
and you should die, so never let anyone kiss you, stay a virgin your whole life, and die an  
old maid!  
Viluy: O.o Um..Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 95: Leave It Up To Moon To Aid In Love  
  
Eudial: NEAT! For once the title wasn't made up of two sentences.  
Mimete: This episode sucked, anyway. It had Umino and Naru in it!  
Viluy: *sweatdrops* Anyway, today's lesson is that even if you're a huge nerd and nobody likes   
you, you can still get the woman of your dreams if you have a pure heart!  
Cyprine: That means that all you pure-hearted nerds out there, go out and find that special girl!  
Tellu: Disclaimer: If you get a restraining order from them, it's not our fault.  
Pucherol: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 96: Cruel Uranus? Makoto's Pinch!  
  
Mimete: *pinches Viluy*   
Viluy: Itai! A pinch means that you're in trouble, stupid!  
Tellu: Anyway, in today's episode we learned that Mako was bi!   
Eudial: So if you're like Mako you should probably fall in love with the tomboys and get punched  
in the stomach by them.  
Cyprine: What kind of lesson is that?  
Pucherol: Who cares? Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 97: Water Labyrinth! The Target: Ami  
  
Eudial: And this brings us to the second of the Senshi heart-crystal stealings episodes!  
Mimete: It must have been one heck of a surprise to find that the Inners DIDN'T have the   
talismans, considering how unsurprising the first two seasons were.  
Tellu: Uh huh! Anyway, today's lesson is that if you race with the perfect Michiru and you win,  
you're got a pure heart and must die!  
Viluy: So never go swimming again or at least drown yourself to save us some time extracting your  
crystal!  
Pucherol: Um..yeah. Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 98: Save the Friends! Moon and Uranus Work Together  
  
Eudial: Another ecchi daimon! This one had headlights on her headlights!  
Tellu: *falls over laughing*  
Viluy: Today's lesson is that senshi that don't normally get along can work together just fine  
if they give a little effort.  
Mimete: But who wants to do that? Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 99: A Man's Gentle Mind? Yuuchirou's Broken Heart For Rei!  
  
Mimete: Yuuchirou's such a loser! He thought Rei was cheating on him with Haruka!  
Eudial: Yup..but I don't understand why that equals to him having a pure heart.  
Tellu: I thought you knew that EVERYONE in Tokyo has a pure heart, even us!  
Viluy: Does that mean we're going to have to die? NOOOOO! *runs around SD*  
Cyprine: Um..today's lesson is that we have to work with idiots.  
Pucherol: O.o Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 100: She Wants To Quit Being A Sailorsenshi? Minako's Worries  
  
Eudial: Today was exciting! Minako actually thought of quitting the Sailorsenshi!  
Mimete: Of course, Minako didn't.  
Other 5: DAMN!!  
Cyprine: *sweatdrops* Which means that today's lesson is that if you ever feel like throwing in  
the towel, there are always friends who will help you change your mind.  
Viluy: But that's sickening. Just give up.  
Eudial: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 101: Usagi's Tears! For My Birthday, A Pair of Glass Slippers!  
  
Mimete: Today was Usagi's birthday! And when a character is centered in the episode, do you know  
what THAT means?  
Other 5: HEART CRYSTAL STEALIN' TIME!  
Tellu: Which means that if you're the center of attention you're gonna die so always act shy.  
Viluy: But we go after the shy ones too so you're dead meat. Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 102: The Stolen Pure Heart! Usagi Is In Trouble  
  
Eudial: Cheap asses. They give the other senshi one episode for their heart crystals yet Usagi  
gets two?  
Mimete: She's the star. She gets ALL the exposure.  
Viluy: Better than Chibiusa.  
Cyprine: Today's lesson is that overexposure sucks.  
Pucherol: *whines* But underexposure's even worse! *sobs*  
Tellu: There, there. Witches 5 Says!  
Eudial: Oh, wait, Kaolinite died and I just made my first appearance! YAAY!  
Kaolinite: I didn't die, though..  
Eudial: *gloating* Shut up! Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 103: She Came! A Small Pretty Soldier  
  
All: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  
Eudial: You mean I have to suffer with THAT through my whole segment?  
Mimete: You've got it easy.   
Tellu: Today's lesson is that Chibiusa is completely annoying and we don't like her.  
Viluy: At least she didn't appear in my episode..Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 104: Looking For Friends! Busy Chibi-Moon  
  
Mimete: Today a boy dropped his pants in front of Chibiusa!   
Eudial: He's more pure-hearted than any other character we've featured! Lemme at 'im!  
Tellu: Which means that you should never drop your pants or else we'll go after you.  
Viluy: That sounds ecchi, Tellu-san. *grin* But we go after you anyway so just sit down and be  
nice.  
Pucherol: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 105: I Need Power! Makoto's Lost Way  
  
Eudial: Mako got her own episode today, which breaks the pattern because she's already had her  
heart crystal stolen!  
Tellu: But the monk she studied with did.  
Viluy: Which means that you should never make friends with a Sailorsenshi because you endanger   
yourself countlessly! Just ask Naru.  
Cyprine: Uh..Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 106: Bonds of Destiny! The Far-Reaching Day of Uranus!  
  
Tellu: Haruka got her own episode but she didn't get her heart crystal stolen.  
Eudial: That comes later. *gleefully rubs her gun*  
Mimete: The person who Eudial DID attack was a friend of Haruka's so we're just going to say what  
we did last episode, NEVER make friends with a senshi!  
Cyprine: I think the company's running out of money..Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 107: Art Is An Explosion of Love! Chibiusa's First Love!  
  
Mimete: Chibiusa's like, 9 years old and she's getting a crush already?  
Eudial: You should talk. Remember a certain New Kid On The Block?  
Cyprine: BWAHAHHAH! N.K.O.T.B? You loser!  
Others: BWAHAHAHAH!  
Viluy: Today's lesson is that if you have a crush on someone from a Boy Band, you are a loser.  
Pucherol: This really doesn't have any relevance to the episode..  
Cyprine: Who cares? It's N.K.O.T.B.!  
Viluy: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 108: The Waltz Is Usagi's Dance  
  
Eudial: This episode was full of laughs! The senshi tried to speak English and Usagi got drunk!  
Mimete: And the person we attacked today was supposed to be European but had a Japanese accent.  
Tellu: We don't take fake English people so we took his heart crystal. You people who are   
pretending to be English and you really aren't, we're gonna get you!  
Viluy: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 109: Shocking Moment! Mutual Idenities Revealed!  
  
Eudial: Man, the senshi are such idiots..Usagi's figured out Uranus was Haruka three times but  
STILL was surprised about this.  
Mimete: You should talk.  
Tellu: Anyway, today Minako lost her heart crystal but could still run! Just shows you how   
useless Eudial's gun is.  
Eudial: HEY!  
Viluy: *coughs* Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 110: Deaths of Uranus and Neptune? The Talismans Appear  
  
Eudial: *growls* I'm gonna KILL you, Mimete!  
Mimete: If you'll just wait until next episode, we'll see who kills who!  
Viluy: Anyway, the anticipated episode is here! The owners of the talismans are revealed!  
Tellu: But they spoiled the whole thing in the previews so the surprise isn't REALLY there.  
Cyprine: Today's lesson is that the previews and episode titles ruin the whole episodes for  
everyone!   
Pucherol: So boycott previews and episode titles! Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 111: The Sacred Cup's Mysterious Power! Double Moon Transformation!  
  
Eudial: Oh, oh..triple number episode. Bad omen.  
Mimete: For you, anyway! *points and laughs at Eudial's car floating in the water*  
Eudial: But I'm still here which means that all this was pointless! HAH!  
Viluy: Today's lesson was that Usagi is the Messiah but the anime confuses us and makes us think  
it's Chibi-Usa and the title also confuses us because I was thinking Moon and Chibi Moon were  
gonna transform together.  
Tellu: One hell of a sentence, Viluy-chan. Today's real lesson is that we don't get along   
together yet all the senshi do so they're better.  
Cyprine: Which is a load of B.S.  
Pucherol: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 112: Who Is the Real Messiah? Light and Shadow in Chaos  
  
Mimete: Today was my first episode! YAAAAAAY!  
Eudial: And you acted like a female stalker, too.  
Tellu: Anyway, this was also the episode where Chibiusa and Hotaru met, starting a very sickening  
bond.   
Viluy: We should have gone after Hotaru because she was making friends with a Senshi, but Tomoe  
would have fired us if we did.  
Cyprine: What's the lesson here?  
Pucherol: The lesson is..that Mimete is a female stalker! Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 113: The House of Evil Aura! The Secret of the Pretty Girl Hotaru  
  
Mimete: COOL! Tux actually had a transformation today.  
Eudial: But it's his last ever, so no point in acknowledging it.  
Tellu: Anyway, today we learned that Kaolinite didn't die!   
Viluy: Run for your lives! AHHHHHHH!  
Cyprine: Why are you always freaking out, Viluy?  
Pucherol: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 114: I Love Idols! Mimete's Worries  
  
Viluy: Did anyone notice when I'm in shadow I look like Eudial in shadow?  
Others: (silence)  
Viluy: Wah!  
Pucherol: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 115: Shadow of Silence!  
  
Mimete: Today Uranus told me that you can't win a man's heart by force! But she likes women, so  
what the hell does she know?  
All: More than you do!  
Viluy: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 116: Calm After The Storm! A Friendship Devoted to Hotaru!  
  
Eudial: Today is a red-letter day! Mimete didn't attack an idol!  
Viluy: But she thought about going after Mamoru.  
Tellu: Hey, I just realized we never targeted him!  
Cyprine: Let's go do that now! *giggles and disappears*  
Mimete: HEY! Don't I get to say anything?  
Eudial: No. Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 117: Much Higher! Much Stronger! Cheerleader Usagi  
  
Mimete: This episode has a dumb name, let's not bother.  
All: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 118: Battle With An Evil Atmosphere! The Sailorsenshi's Gamble  
  
Mimete: Today I learned that I shouldn't mess with the Daimon Easy Bake Oven(TM)!  
Eudial: It might have turned out okay if you knew what you were doing. But you're an idiot so  
it'll never happen.  
Mimete: Hidoi!  
Viluy & Tellu: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 119: Awakening of the Messiah? The Fate of Stars  
  
Eudial: Did anyone notice how much the Messiah in Rei's dreams looked like Hotaru?  
Mimete: Duh, everyone's figured out Hotaru's the dark messiah several times over now!  
Tellu: Which brings us to our lesson, that Sailormoon's way too predictable.  
Cyprine: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 120: Invasion From Outer Space! Mugen Gakuen's Secret  
  
Tellu: I first appeared today! COOL!  
Mimete: You b****! You killed me!  
Eudial: Ah, so you finally understand what it's like, huh?  
Cyprine: Today's lesson is that Mimete is a big failure.  
Pucherol: Witches 5 Says!  
Mimete: WAH!  
  
***  
Episode 121: Temptress! The Third Undesirable Woman, Tellu  
  
Eudial: What kind of screwed-up name for an episode is that?  
Tellu: Just because I only survived one episode equals that I don't get a good title.  
Mimete: Serves you right.  
Viluy: Does this mean I'm gonna get a bad episode title? NOOO! *runs around SD*  
Cyprine: Here we go again..*rolls eyes*  
Pucherol: Um..Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 122: Believe In Love! Kind Senshi Ami  
  
Viluy: Yup. Bad episode title.  
Tellu: Your name's not even IN this one!  
Pucherol: Talk about underexposure.  
Eudial: Today we learned that the Witches that only last 1 episode aren't worth spending money  
on.  
Mimete: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 123: Shadow of Destruction! Messiah of Silence Awakens  
  
Cyprine & Pucherol: No fair! We're not in this title either!  
Eudial & Mimete: *dance around gloating*  
Viluy & Tellu: *silently boil*  
Pucherol: We learned that we're the coolest of the Witches and also the most powerful! We   
destroyed ourselves!  
Eudial & Mimete: Better than being killed by a fellow Witch.  
Viluy: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 124: Approaching Horror! Eight Senshi in A Pinch!  
  
Mimete: Ya know, we've all died off now so what's the point of doing these things?  
Others: *shrug*  
Pucherol: Today we learned Mistress 9 has REALLY long hair.  
Cyprine: And that she can strangle the senshi without actually being there. COOL!  
Eudial: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 125: Shiny Shooting Stars! Saturn and Messiah  
  
Eudial: Damn..Hotaru gave Chibiusa back her heart crystal. I was counting on her being dead.  
Mimete: Damn..Sailormoon stole the spotlight AGAIN even though Hotaru did all the work.  
Tellu: Damn..Pharaoh 90 doesn't really DO anything.  
Viluy: Damn..all that wasted daimon juice.  
Cyprine: Today we learned that this episode needs a lot of work!  
Pucherol: Not compared to the next one! Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 126: Bundle of New Life! The Destiny of Stars, the Time of Farewell  
  
Eudial: This is the last episode of the S season.  
Mimete: And it sucked. What the heck happened?  
Cyprine: The writers got fired, that's what happened. They let Uranus & Neptune do OUR job!  
Pucherol: And you're complaining?  
All: Witches 5 Says!  
  
***  
Episode 127:  
  
Eudial: Whoa! It isn't over after all!  
Pucherol: Because I don't get to say much I'm doing ALL the jokes and you girls aren't stopping   
me!  
Others: o_O  
Pucherol: Today a daimon egg hatched by itself and became the Easy Bake Oven(TM) Daimon! We   
learned that a daimon by itself did more damage to the senshi than we did!  
Others: *blinkblink*  
Pucherol: Which is why I should have been the head twin! We could have accomplished WAY more!  
Cyprine: You're pushing it, 'nee-chan..  
Pucherol: Witches 5 Says! This parody is over!  



End file.
